Saturday, July 30, 2011


Being a parent is one of the easiest jobs in the world . All you have to do is perfect your ability to utter two words from your mouth.
Those words are “yes” and “no.”

With “no” being the most popular, as it is generally said the most, with the least amount of thought.

You should also practice your discipline and your running. Because in some states if you administer discipline to your child you will be running from the law to prevent your incarceration.

Any form of “no” or discipline I have relegated to my wife and I have humbly agreed to manage the “yes” department.

My primary reason for managing this department is that I always want to maintain the image of a “nice guy” in the eyes of my children. In other words, if one of the kids asks me if it is alright for them to go to Gracie’s house at 3AM you know what my answer will be.

Immediately, you will want to know what we are doing up at 3AM.

Starting with myself, that is simply “my time of day,” the kids have forced themselves to stay awake that long (remember it’s Friday) and Gracie, well, she’s in for a “rude awakening.”

I’ve gone off and done it again. I have deviated from the subject.

For this I deeply apologize, as sometimes I have difficulty returning to that subject immediately.

When you neutralize a floor----------------No! That’s not what we were discussing.

Now, when you want your heater to be safe-----------------oops!

The act of parenting does----------------- I knew I would eventually remember!

There is about only one requisite required to being a parent and that is patience.

Unfortunately, it is a trait that I don’t possess, but my wife does.

That is exactly the reason I have assigned her most of the responsibility to raise the kids properly.

To illustrate this point, it was me who started that ill-fated program of “Have your children walk one week after they are born and talk before that. And be potty trained in the second week.”

I wrote a book that had that very title and invested substantial funds into the program, having full confidence that those funds would evolve into a fortune. Those funds are no longer substantial and forget the fortune.

There is a saying, that “the root of all problems is money.” If that is true, then there is someone, along with me, who must bear my problems. But, this is not always true, as there may be an ever popular “bailout.”

Nonetheless, with parenting a child, you are supposed to take a lump of clay and over a time span, mold it into an individual of perfection.

I subscribe to Time and Popular Mechanics magazines, but not to that theory.

My belief is to take that lump of clay. Pop it into the kiln and let the kiln do all the molding work for you and hope that individual does not turn out to be a threat or burden to our society.

Obviously, there are many parents in agreement with this belief.

O.K. then accountability and going green.

You immediately ask, “what in the Lord’s name do those three words have to do with the subject we are discussing?”

My reply is “absolutely nothing” but, a little man I met on a street corner, told me that if I included accountability and going green in my article then I would have a best seller.

Returning to being a parent.

I can not emphasize the importance of your child’s acquisition of knowledge, which is accomplished through our mainly superior school systems here in the states. If you are a lucky parent, you will receive invites to attend four main functions.

Your child’s graduation from college, high school, middle school and the monthly P.T.A. meeting, which if your child attends school at all, you will probably be elected president. No, seriously it’s a great honor.

Do me a favor, always give your grad a gift of quality and refinement, and this year make it green.

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