Friday, July 8, 2011

The Biggest Waste

The little boy thought and thought and finally said, “Why--why, it’s a red wagon that has been painted blue.”

“I’m sorry son, that is not the correct answer. As good a try as that was you do not win our two week, all expense trip to Jamaica,” said the master of ceremonies.

“But, here is your consolation prize,” handing the child a doggy bag.

“I’d like to repeat the question one more time. -- In your mind what is the biggest waste in this country?”

Up walked a construction worker to try his luck. As he gingerly approached the M/C he stopped and spoke directly into the microphone, to which he apparently got too close, because the sound was squeaky, “Why it’s that young, curvaceous and attractive blonde woman who has a sexual orientation other than heterosexual.”

“That was also close, but I’m afraid that answer is not correct either,” came the rather vociferous reply. “Although, you must be commended for your effort with this consolation prize.”

“Now, who will be our next contestant?” the M/C blurted out as he walked in front of the audience.

“Let’s try you,” pointing his finger at an attractive lady in the fifth row.

Ironically, she was a statuesque blonde who had just changed her sexual orientation, which caused her to be possessed with the urge to throw rotten tomatoes at the previous contestant. She also knew it was he and his crew that always watched her walk by their job-site on her way to work, etc.

She like the little boy, gave her medulla oblongata a workout.

“Yes,” she uttered, “It’s that box of condoms you give as a present to a man who is impotent. That has got to be the biggest waste.”

“Oh gee! You’ll never know how close you came to the correct answer, but, that is not the answer I was looking for, so here is your doggy bag.”

Then a seemingly obscure, wise old gentleman, sitting in the back row yelled out, “I know the correct answer," as he lowered his hand.

“Yes, the gentlemen in the rear shall now be recognized.” said the M/C.

“The biggest waste is the sound system on the TV set that is used in a restaurant.”

“And that is correct, yelled out the M/C , emulating, well, what can I say about the coincidence, the TV evangelist delivering the last part of his sermon. “And you, sir, are the lucky winner of that two week trip to paradise, which I’ll outline here for you later. Just how did you come up with that answer?”

To that the old man replied,  "Every time the wife and me eat out I watch the TV picture, but I never hear anything. Tried getting down one of them wall sets and hitting it with a baseball bat, but, it somehow made the picture worse - and dadburn - it was still silent.

"Figur’in there are close to 1 million restaurants in the US of A ,there is a big valley of silence out there.

"In fact, when we do eat out, I always ask my wife to be sure and watch the TV, but she never seems to get the hint. I think that when the next time rolls around, I’ll say that the present I want the most for my birthday is for her to be more like that there television set.”

P.S. “And for that two week, all expenses paid vacation to Alberta, Canada, guess what was in the doggy bag.” -Hint- Was it that glob of glue that caused us to ring a man’s doorbell, light the sack with a match, place the sack in front of the door and then run as fast as we could in the opposite direction?

Helpful hint: the sack should be as thin as possible.




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